Reckless Abandon, Scandalous Grace, and Chronic Failure Hi everyone in Blog land. I know it's been a while since I have been in communication, but thus is life. I'm sure no one is going to read this, considering I haven't written anything in a few months, but it is good to express oneself occasionally. So my mind has been running in a labored fashion for the last few weeks, fighting the thoughts and fears that come with having nothing. Nothing of any tangible worth, anyway. I fall far short of my fellow americans when it comes to finances, education, and ambition but thats fine by me. I hear my father say again and again, "I wish, sometimes, that I had raised you two (my brother and my self) to be more materialistic." The words are of a man who has failed to meet the worlds expectations and is terrified of the same for his children. But I turn my eyes to the heavens, my eyes glittering with naivete and foolishness, and I dream of something more. I don't want to sound preachy or defensive so I will state it simply. I want to follow my Lord with reckless abandon. I believe in scandalous grace. I am in love. Love can do strange things to a person, make you see things in a realm too illogical for most to stand. Without reason, lovers continue to be the heartbeat of our world. And as long as my heart beats, I will be in love. I went to see a movie last night. On the big screen I watched it as if it were my own life... because it was my life. On the silver screen I saw a world that I know all to well. I saw a father, my father, chasing after his dream. I saw a son and brother, my brother, brooding, determined to escape and fly away. I saw an uncle, my uncle, past the point of suicide having lost everything. I saw a mother, my mother, trying desperately to hold everything together. And there was a child, my child... maybe me, dancing like a fool before an audience of fools. I laughed so hard I wept, and I wept so hard I laughed. They were my family, all of them. And yet they weren't. Their house looked like mine... but it wasn't. They all failed and their failure was mine, and it wasn't. It is not. Some times its good to remember your roots. It good to look back at the life you have led. It is good to see why, yet again, why our Father scandalous grace is so beautiful. To look at the past is to know there is a future, but only by the grace of God (I am saying this with that little sarcastic inflection in my voice that tries to laugh at the state I'm in). I understand Peter's betrayal on a deeper level, now. As I have been challenged in my faith and have grown I have noticed something terrifying. The stronger my faith is, the more risks I take, the greater my doubts become. They rule me like the torment rules the waters. And yet there is no chronic failure, no turning back. I will continue to dance like a fool before an audience of fools, in a world of foolish wisdom. The Gospel is simple and I am in love. Go see the movie, Little Miss Sunshine. I pray to God that some of you will get it. | 
